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Long Lost Friend

Naomi wrote:

I moved away from my hometown seven years ago. I had this great friend that I had met at work the year before who had kept in touch with me after I quit the job and even made me a going away gift when I left town. He wrote to me, but I never wrote him back.

I am older and wiser now and I realize I threw away a really great friendship for no real reason. Aside from the fact that that was a really screwed up thing to do, I am now wondering if I should contact him and try to re-establish a relationship, or
at least apologize and try to set things right.

Do you think he would want to hear from me after all these years? What is the best way to go about it? If I email him and he doesn't respond, is it okay to call him? I have a pattern of dropping friends and I am really working on not doing it anymore, but I'd like to go back and at least let some of those old friends know that I do care about them even though I didn't show it then.

Any advice would be appreciated. This is really weighing heavily on me. Thanks.

Dear Naomi

Wow!

Self pity is one of the saddest and most selfish of emotions - and it can be very destructive too.

First the facts - you left seven years ago, didn't say proper goodbyes, failed to keep in touch. Join the human race - we've ALL been there, done that and bought the T-shirt.

Many of us have also had pangs of guilt, too.

So get in touch. he'll either be interested, or not. And I'm sure the deciding factors won't be about seven years ago, they'll be about his life now. So if he's not interested, leave him alone.

Second, the problem. You have perhaps hit a bad patch, and you're avoiding facing that, so you've turned your mind back to areas where you are happy to take the blame.

But you also want to take control - "If I email him and he doesn't respond, is it okay to call him?" - No! No! No! what are you, a trainee stalker or something? Whatever you felt seven years ago was different for him, and he's had seven years without you. If he wants to see you - in any way, that's really great, and may help you with today's real issues (which is what really matters to you) but maybe he doesn't want that, maybe he can't help you.

People do not exist to be used, they have their own needs.

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30 November 2016  |     |  Contact