Long Lost Friend
Naomi wrote:
I moved away from my hometown seven years ago. I had this great friend
that I had met at work the year before who had kept in touch with me after
I quit the job and even made me a going away gift when I left town. He
wrote to me, but I never wrote him back.
I am older and wiser now and I realize I threw away a really great friendship
for no real reason. Aside from the fact that that was a really screwed
up thing to do, I am now wondering if I should contact him and try to
re-establish a relationship, or
at least apologize and try to set things right.
Do you think he would want to hear from me after all these years? What
is the best way to go about it? If I email him and he doesn't respond,
is it okay to call him? I have a pattern of dropping friends and I am
really working on not doing it anymore, but I'd like to go back and at
least let some of those old friends know that I do care about them even
though I didn't show it then.
Any advice would be appreciated. This is really weighing heavily on me.
Thanks.
Dear Naomi
Wow!
Self pity is one of the saddest and most selfish of emotions - and it
can be very destructive too.
First the facts - you left seven years ago, didn't say proper goodbyes,
failed to keep in touch. Join the human race - we've ALL been there, done
that and bought the T-shirt.
Many of us have also had pangs of guilt, too.
So get in touch. he'll either be interested, or not. And I'm sure the
deciding factors won't be about seven years ago, they'll be about his
life now. So if he's not interested, leave him alone.
Second, the problem. You have perhaps hit a bad patch, and you're avoiding
facing that, so you've turned your mind back to areas where you are happy
to take the blame.
But you also want to take control - "If I email him and he doesn't
respond, is it okay to call him?" - No! No! No! what are you, a trainee
stalker or something? Whatever you felt seven years ago was different
for him, and he's had seven years without you. If he wants to see you
- in any way, that's really great, and may help you with today's real
issues (which is what really matters to you) but maybe he doesn't want
that, maybe he can't help you.
People do not exist to be used, they have their own needs.
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