He Lies About Everything

Tammy wrote:

I think maybe my husband is a compulsive liar. It seems he lies
to me for no reason that I can see. He lied to me about a dozen times about talking to another woman over the internet. Each time he told me he would stop and of course each time I trusted him, and each time he had to get back on the comp. and talk to her. Their conversation was far from innocent.
He has stopped that now, but now he lies about getting on-line and looking at porn sites and lies to me about smoking.

We have only been married 16 months and the on-line affair started maybe half a year ago. I left a couple times, but always come back home. I told him that maybe I could trust him
again in time, but how can I build trust back up when he keeps lying just about different things?

I don't know if I should stay or leave, we have no kids, so that isn't a problem. I just can't let this go.

Dear Tammy

If you want to make this marriage work, then you shouldn't be talking to me, you should be talking to him - preferably with a marriage guidance counsellor.

You need to stop looking just at his behaviour, and also look at your own.

More than that, you need to try and see why he might be behaving as he is. Has it always been this way?

I wonder if he says the first thing that comes into his head, as he knows that the truth means more lectures, more control.

Has he always use porn? If so, you need to ask why you are challenging it now, when you didn't before the wedding. If he's taken to it recently, then you might ask yourself why, after 16 months of marriage your husband has deserted you for a paper substitute.

You write as if all the problems are him - I cannot say how serious his problems are - but clearly, you have problems too.

You say you've left and then came back; why did you leave - and why did you come back?

It takes two to make a marriage work, and however weird his behaviour, you won't sort it out unless you consider your side too.

Thant's if you really want to sort it out?