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Best friend gets beaten

Ursula wrote:

My best friend since childhood comes from a very loving family.

After her mother passed away she started dating a man who beats her on a regular basis.

I have exhausted all my resources such as contacting her family, crisi intervention etc.. I am a counselor myself.

What my dilemma is, is that my husband recently came to the logical conclusion that my friend's abusive boyfriend is no longer alloud in our home.

My husband is a very moral and caring person and wrestled with this issue for a long time and invited my input. Since my husband explained his feelings to my best friend there has been a strain on my relationship with my her.

She now rarley comes over.Visiting her isn't an option because Mr.Wonderful lives with her. Did my husband and I do the right thing?

Dear Ursula,

I am sure that both you and your husband have acted with good faith, and little can be gained by looking back, except to prepare for the future.

While you can see the 'downside' of your actions, you cannot see any positive results - it may be that they are at least discussing things ... but maybe not.

What you did was honorable, but could have had two unwanted effects. obviously, he knows that you know what's going on, and he may have 'punished' your friend for that. But if it wasn't that, it would have been something else.

More seriously, your husband's action has shown your friend that he knows all. Part of her is probably grateful, but a part of her will feel betrayed by your taliking about her, anfd may have added to her feelings of worthlessness.

The solution to her problem has to come from her. It doesn't matter how much you care, how principled your husband is, or what you do.

It's up to her.

What you can do, is make it clear to her that you do care; that you and your husband still support her, and you will be there for her when she needs you.

One day, she will make that decision to reclaim her life - she needs to KNOW that she has friends to support her - knowing that will bring that day forward.

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