Best friend gets beaten
Ursula wrote:
My best friend since childhood comes from a very loving family.
After her mother passed away she started dating a man who beats her on
a regular basis.
I have exhausted all my resources such as contacting her family, crisi
intervention etc.. I am a counselor myself.
What my dilemma is, is that my husband recently came to the logical conclusion
that my friend's abusive boyfriend is no longer alloud in our home.
My husband is a very moral and caring person and wrestled with this issue
for a long time and invited my input. Since my husband explained his feelings
to my best friend there has been a strain on my relationship with my her.
She now rarley comes over.Visiting her isn't an option because Mr.Wonderful
lives with her. Did my husband and I do the right thing?
Dear Ursula,
I am sure that both you and your husband have acted with good faith,
and little can be gained by looking back, except to prepare for the future.
While you can see the 'downside' of your actions, you cannot see any
positive results - it may be that they are at least discussing things
... but maybe not.
What you did was honorable, but could have had two unwanted effects.
obviously, he knows that you know what's going on, and he may have 'punished'
your friend for that. But if it wasn't that, it would have been something
else.
More seriously, your husband's action has shown your friend that he knows
all. Part of her is probably grateful, but a part of her will feel betrayed
by your taliking about her, anfd may have added to her feelings of worthlessness.
The solution to her problem has to come from her. It doesn't matter how
much you care, how principled your husband is, or what you do.
It's up to her.
What you can do, is make it clear to her that you do care; that you and
your husband still support her, and you will be there for her when she
needs you.
One day, she will make that decision to reclaim her life - she needs
to KNOW that she
has friends to support her - knowing that will bring that day forward.
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