Jealous husband

Delia wrote:

Please give me some advice on how to tell my husband that is very controlling and I can't talk to any man without him accusing me of seeing him.

I haven't given him any reason to be jealous I'm home everyday and don't go out nowhere except to the store and sometimes to my familys house that is about all I do.

He is so jealous, it just gets worse everyday but I do love him and we have family of our own and don't want to throw that away after 16 years.

Dear Delia

First, be clear that this is not your problem, but his.

You also need to know whether he realises he is being ridiculous, or if he actually believes his fears. If he seriously believes you are seeing all these people, then you need to think very carefully; he is a very dangerous man.

If, however, he knows it's silly, but "Just can't help it" then he can be helped. The clue is whether he suffers from the jealousy - or he makes you suffer.

If he is in pain, knowing he's being unreasonable, but unable to trust you, then you should consider professional help as a couple, but you can start by helping him build his confidence. Jealous husbands are often men who love their wives so much, they just cannot believe their luck, and expect to lose them any minute!

You say you love him; show him; take his arm in front of other men, to prove where your loyalty lies; when he makes accusations, gently but firmly deny them, but don't humiliate or ridicule him - his feelings might be wrong, but they are real to him.

If he's the man who just cannot be reassured, consider very carefully why you stay with him, and get professional advice. Soon.