Lies, Lies, Lies

Tara wrote:

Dear Anon,

I have a severe problem in my relationship which has already brought me into counselling.

For 10 month I am with my boyfriend, a 34-year-old guy, who has been married for ten years and has a daugther aged 10.

His marriage however was long distance.

Rigth from the start I communicated my wish to be in a commited relationship and he said, he wanted the same.

But right from the start, things happened that made me feel suspicious. In the beginning it was more the feeling that he always kept his emotional distance, but then I caugth him a couple of times in stupid lies.

This was when the trouble began. He expected me to believe his stupid explanations and when I refused he made me feel like I had a paranoia.

Whenever we are togther we get along great, but as soon as I don`t see him or cannot reach him on the phone I get scared that he might lie again.

Things where I caugth him in a lie are mainly things like where he was or he tells me he is seeing his daugther when I later find out he did not leave town. In the beginning I thougth that other women are the reason, but he never stays out all nigth or things like that. It is only that very often "Unexplainable" short gaps appear.

I mean I am not sure what is really going on, I am just fed up with his lies. I told him many times but always it is me being insecure or paranoid!

I am afraid he migth be involved in some criminal actions.

I tried to leave him often, but he never lets me go.

At the same time he avoids any kind of future talk!

What is a woman to do?????

What are mainly the reason why guys get cauth up in so many lies? I would really appreciate your advice!

Dear Tara

There's all sorts of reasons why men lie, few of them good. From what you are saying, your husband just can't get a grip on the truth. Don't worry about what he's doing or not doing - he'd lie about picking his teeth with a paperclip.

You say "I tried to leave him often, but he never lets me go." - which is, of course, rubbish. If he was imprisioning you against your will, you'd not be calmly worrying about his lies. Or would you?

This man is a useless jerk. He won't change (Why would he? - you've tried to reason often enough for six).

Your choices are surprisingly simple - accept him for the worthless git that he is, and stop moaning.

Or get a life and leave him.

If you paid me, I'd give you therapy for 20 years; but he'd still be lying, so if that worries you, save your money. Sorry.