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Can I put things right?

Toyah wrote:

I am a woman who has been married for 16 years. We have a friend who is also married and her husband made a pass at me a few years ago.

I told my husband right away about it when he got back home from being out of town for a month. But didn't tell my friend until last week.

I was very upset that night and she came over to console me, unfortunately I just blurted it out. I thought she already knew, but obviously she didn't.

She is not upset with me but her husband is furious and he says our friendship is history.I've been beating myself up over it for a week now, I have spoken to her and she told me she's not loosing sleep over it.

She is however re-assessing her marriage. I tried to explain to him that I never meant to hurt them. I'm really at a lost to find a solution to this situation and am hoping you can shed some light. Thank you

Dear Toyah

There's only one thing worse than losing a friendship, and that is throwing one away.

I don't know why you didn't tell your friend all those years ago, and I don't know why you have chosen to tell her now.

But "I just blurted it out" doesn't convince me, and I doubt it convinces her. Or if it did, it won't for long. Also "I thought she already knew" is a bit weak, isn't it?

If you really want to save these relationships, first start being honest with yourself. Really honest.

It is possible that you can destroy years of trust between friends, and destroy someone's marriage quite by chance, but face it, it's unlikely.

When you can face yourself in the mirror, then decide if you really want her friendship ... perhaps your betrayal was an unconscious wish to get rid of her? I really do not know.

As for her marriage, the phrase that comes to mind is "when neck deep in s**t, stop digging", and I suspect the less you say, the better.

But, if you want to help (and only if you want to help), and there seems any doubt about what really happened, there might be be a case for saying that you've perhaps exaggerated just a little.

But they are your friends, only you can decide if you actually want their friendship. But if you really do, realise now that it is not going to be easy.

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30 November 2016  |     |  Contact