My husband is a drug addict

Kathryn wrote:

My husband is a drug addict. The other day I told him I made an
appointment to see a lawyer about a divorce. He told me he still loves me and doesn't want a divorce.

He keeps saying he is going to get help but he never does. I don't feel like he will ever change. It's going to be hard for me to leave because we have a lot of debt together.

I realize that he is only being nice to me just to try and change my mind.

He will never change.

I am so confused.

Dear Kathryn

I am sure it is not easy being addicted; but be clear, it's his problem, not yours. It's a problem you can help him with - if he lets you - but you cannot help him if he makes no effort.

We all have have choices; some more than others - and those choices might not be easy. That's life. He has to make his difficult choices before anyone can help him.

Sadly, people with addiction problems often take advantage of those who love them. Understandable, but not nice. Worse, while you are there, trying to help, you may be offering him opportunities to take advantage, and, quite possibly postponing the day that he starts to live again.

Now, I am making some fairly general comments here - which I stand by 100% - but no two people are alike, and I have little to go on.

So you must read what I've said and think very carefully how this applies, and if it's helpful.

I urge you to consult with whichever professionals are involved before you do anything radical. But if you must be radical for your sake and his ... then do it. Good Luck.

Noreen submitted:

I just read what Kathryn had wrote to you and the advice you had given to her and with what little you know about the situation it sounds like you hit the nail right on the head. You see, I have been there just like Kathryn.

My Husband (at that time) of ten years had a back injury and he got addicted to pain pills (he would mix certian pills to get a high) from there he started doing cocaine and I'm sure other drugs that I don't want to know about.

He said he wanted help, his family and me got him help. He was in and out of rehabs, NA meeting all the time (which he was high most of the time going to them) auto accidents atleast three a month and it goes on and on.

I finally stood up for myself and our two boys and filed for a Divorce in 1996 which became final in 1997. To this day, he goes in and out of jail, rehabs, etc....and yes, he is still addicted to drugs.

It was not easy going through the divorce and to this day it is still hard on the children knowing and seeing what their dad does but you have to find the strength within yourself to be strong and also to be loving
and supportive to your children. If I can do it I feel Kathryn can also.

Ask Anon writes: Thank you for adding your experience