Grandparents spoiling grandchild
Please help me. I have constantly asked my parents to please respect
my wishes as a parent when they visit my home or when my child visists
They bring bags full of candy when they visit, and as soon as they walk
through the door they give our two year old as much as he
can put into his mouth.
They then berate me in front of my child for putting the bags away.
Sometimes this happens before he has had lunch.
They do not set any guidelines of disipline for him when he visits, and
they ignore mine.
When I picked him up last, I found him jumping on the furniture. This
has led to problems at home.
As I have said, my child is only two and does not yet understand why
he is allowed to act one way at our house and another way at his grandparents.
He has also started yelling at us saying he doesn't have to do as we
say. He has starting hitting as well. When I brought this up to my parents
they said he did that to them and then they laughed about it.
Recently, I told them that our son would no longer be able to visit if
sort of behavior keeps up. My father then said I am no longer welcome
in his house and called me a monster for keeping his grandson away from
My son misses my parents, but I cannot allow this to continue. A year
ago my nephew broke his arm while visiting my parents because he wanted
to jump from chair to chair.
Can you help me? I feel like I am punsihing my child for my parents'
actions. By the way my father yelled at me I know he will never tell my
child no if he is allowed to see him again.
No-one can change what has happened, but it will be useful to understand
what has happened; the future is often brighter once we've learned the
lessons of the past.
Did your conflicts start with their child care, or is there an element
of power struggle happening here?
To what extent did you dictate your terms, without fully explaining your
reasons? Be honest here, and remeber that things have changed since they
brought you up; your ideas - however right - might be confusing for them.
Then examine the conflict. What is at stake? Your child's personality,
that's what. I suspect your ideas are right, but even if I didn't, you'd
still have much of my support, because what growing kids need, above all
else, is consistency. If the grandparents cannot see that, I'm afraid
that's their problem.
Having said all that, don't close the door. Do let the folks know that
you'd love to visit, with the child, if only they'll be reasonable. Let
them give a sweet or two (or some other treat), but supervise at first.
Remember that Old Folks can be quite lonely, and see kids as a way of
doing what they can no longer do!