Sex during separation

William wrote:

My wife and I seperated for approximately 8 months. we are now living back together and trying to rebuild our marriage.

However I am having a problem dealing with the fact that during our seperation she had sex with several other men and dated several more. During most of of this time when we were apart she was asking me to return home and in all honesty I was having sex with others too.

But now that I know that she did and the fact that they are her co-workers is really making me insecure. Especially since they are all younger men than myself (even though I too am younger than my wife.)

How can I trust her not to have sex with them again since she works in a nightclub envirment with drinking and partying. Help me should I just straighten up and leave it alone knowing that I was doing the same thing...and if so how do I do it?

Dear William

I sympathise. There's nothing worse than resenting someone's behaviour in the full knowledge you've done the same. Or worse.

Remember she's going through exactly the same experience. Or is she?

She's levelled with you, and you've been suitably miffed. But have you been honest with her? Why do I doubt it?

You haven't said why you broke up - or why you are trying again. But you know that unless you both start thinking "we" and stop thinking "me" ... it ain't going to happen.

It won't be easy, but don't just start where you left off - start again from zero - clean slate. Good Luck.