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I feel like I am being left behind

Fiona wrote:

I'm studying in the uni now. I have a good friend whom I share almost
everything with and I can trust her explicitly. We've been through a lot

But now, she's moving on. she's going to be furthering her studies and she has a focus in life, unlike me who is still searching for the meaning to my life.

I see us drifting apart. but the real problem is I think I am envious of people around me, I think. I can't seem to be happy for her when there is some positive thing going for her.

I feel like I am being left behind and that I am missing out on things in life that does not seem to be within my reach. however, when she's unhappy, I feel for her too. I will try anything to make it all better. So, what's my problem?

Why can't I be happy for her?

Dear Fiona

Because you are human, I guess.

When things aren't going right, it's inevitable that the success - or merely the confidence - of others just seems to rub it in. You are sensitive and honest enough to realise that your friend is not the cause of your uncertainties, but you can't help that niggle of resentment and envy.

But you need to go two steps further; first you need to think about what is going on in your life. You've been open about the emotions, but given little clue as to the problems. You must get underneath the emotions to the causes of your fears.

Second, having started down that route, you need to discuss it all with your friend. Not only because she may be able to help you (that IS what friends are for!) but also because by now she will have sensed the atmosphere - you owe it to her to let her know that she's done nothing to hurt you, and that you know your feelings are 'silly' even though they do pop into your head.

Good Luck - I suspect you are stronger than you think, and I hope things lighten up for you.

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