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When your best friend is a jerk

Beth wrote:

My bestfriend moved back from college last month. I was really
excited about her moving back but now that she's here I find myself almost avoiding her.

She's the type of girl that people refer to as "sweet." She's not the attention getter of the group of girls that we run with. So, she has a terribly low self-esteem.

I try to empathize with her but I've never dealt with the so-called problems she has.

She's tried to commit suicide but all it looked like were a couple of cat scratches on her arm. It didn't even break the skin. After she told several friends about it we decided that maybe it was all for the attention she got and the way we worried about her.

She will only go out with me if we do certain things that she wants to do,
otherwise she crys, complains, and tries to send me on guilt trips. I'm at
the point now where I can hardly stand to be around her and my other
bestfriend refuses to be around her because she doesn't see the need to feel sympathy (the way ! I'm starting to feel.)

Yet it gets worse. I'm dating her close guy friend who she hooked me up with. I don't know if she had feelings for him or not but she practically pushed me in to it. I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend but she idolizes us. She says that our relationship is everything she wants in life.

She's focused on having a boyfriend and thinks that it will solve all her problems. I don't know what to do with her. I can't turn my back on her but I don't feel that it's my responsiblity to "babysit" her all night. I don't know if it's jealousy or not.

I thought about going to her mom with all this but they have a very rocky relationship and I honestly don't think her mom is anymore sane that she is.

She wrote me an email saying that her friends don't care about her because my other close friend and I were at a party that she didn't feel comfortable attending and we didn't drop what we were doing to come keep her company. She later called crying apologizing for her weight and some how blaming me for the entire evening because she didn't want to attend a pool party and I should've known.. I'm not allowed to do anything without her.

I know there is no easy way to deal with her but I'm running out of ideas and I'm getting tired of watching movies and staying in every night. Please help :)

Dear Beth

The thing about friendship, is that you don't just stay friends for the good times - you support each other through the bad, too.

You obviously think this woman is a no-good, weak, wimpy drag on your exciting life. Hey, what do I know - you might be right.

But none of that entitles you to use the word "friend". All you want from me is a way out of the relationship without guilt (for you) without pain (for you) and preferably without effort (for you).

I can help you; I can tell you what your 'friends' problem is ... she has a jerk for a friend. Period.

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