True Love - or Bad Faith?
Hi right, there's sort of something between me and my best mate's brother.
Well its been going on four months now, all that happens is that when
I sleep there, me and my friend are always with her two brothers, in their
room, play fighting, (yes childish, I know), but we're always touching,
not by accident, and in intimate places.
Im 15 he's 14. I want more to happen with him but I never get to be alone
with him, so I can't even speak to him, and he always acts as if nothings
I wrote him a letter once, but he didn't do anything. Could you please
tell me what you think is going on in his head?
I dont know whats happening, but no one knows, my mate doesn't, and I
don't know what would happen if she found out, please help me! thanx.
There's a thing called 'bad faith'; it's not necessarily bad, but it
is dishonest. And that, I suspect, is happening here.
It's when one person - or maybe two - do something that is a cover for
something else. It's a way of avoiding having to discuss something that
seems dangerous. And it's a feature of young lads controlled by their
It's perfectly normal.
What I'll bet is happening is that, probably initially by chance, you
two have come to an unspoken agreement to experiment. You're both getting
something out of it, and you might consider not 'rocking the boat' - as
you say, you could lose a friend, and you certainly won't get the guy.
You see, he's younger than you, he's the brother of your mate, and boys,
lest we forget are a year or two behind, anyway. He isn't ready to talk
about it, he probably is not yet capable of having a 'relationship' with
you, and even if he was, you'd be bored to tears in a day.
He has got the sense to keep quiet, and I suggest you do too. Enjoy the
learning, and when you've had enough - or it's just too frustrating -
gently get out of the situation.
You are in control here; you must decide what you you want - and recognise
what is not there to be had.
Don't resent it; there's no malice to resent - and don't be tempted to
make a fuss or you'll lose a friend. Or two.
If you have the inclination, read Jean Paul Sartre; it's fascinating.