Is there hope for a no-hoper?

Jeannie wrote:

I have been married a little over two years. My husband left me in November when I was eight months pregnant. He moved in with another woman for three weeks.

After being there for three weeks he called me and said he wanted to work things out. I told him I wouldn't promise him anything.

We started to go to church and seeing our pastor. I thought things were getting better. We moved back in together in March. He told me he never cheated on me. I didn't really believe him.

Now I just found out that he has profiled himself on Yahoo.com and asking for a discreet realationship with someone. Though he hasn't had any responses yet. Anyway I feel used and that I never can trust him again.

I know I need to talk to him about this, but don't know how to start. We have a five month old and his six year old son lives with us. He has no idea that I know about what he did.

So I do I go about this? Or am I being to paranoid about this and try to work it out. I just don't think he will ever change.

Dear Jeannie,

I admire your patience - and your courage. But there's a limit, and for the sake of the kids, you need closure.

From what you tell me,

• He's a liar
• A philanderer
• A useless father
• And a saddo

But that's enough of his problems; let's look at your and the childrens.

You say you need to talk. Why? Unless you are indeed psychotic and a pathological liar (which I doubt), we all know that you can talk util you are pink in the face and he won't change.

Make plans, for you and the children, and then tell him. Don't negotiate, tell him. Otherwise the pain will go on, and having ruined two women's lives, it would be good to save the kids.

Wouldn't it?

No, it won't be easy; use your faith to get through. But you won't save his soul by destroying three others.