Should I stay or should I go?

Gloria wrote:

I have been married a little over two years. My husband left me in
November when I was eight months pregant. He moved in with another
woman for three weeks.

After being there for three weeks he called me and said he wanted to work things out. I told him I wouldn't promise him anything.

We started to go to church and seeing our pastor. I thought things were getting better. We moved back in together in March. He told me he never cheated on me.

I didn't really believe him. Now I just found out that he has profiled himself on Yahoo! and asking for a discreet relationship with someone.

Anyway I feel used and that I never can trust him again. I know I need to talk to him about this, but don't know how to start.

We have a five month old and his six year old son lives with us. He has know idea that I know about what he did.

So I do I go about this? Or am I being to paranoid about this and try to work it out. I just don't think he will ever change.

Dear Gloria,

From what you say - and the way you say it - not only do I believe you when you say your husband will never change, but even if, by some miracle, he did, I do not think you are any longer able to trust him.

Thant's a shame, and I hope I'm wrong.

Having said that, I do believe you're right to want to discuss it, and I admire your courage. But the key is what needs discussing?

My instincts say that you need to focus entirely on the children. You need to be concerned about your child - but you need to make him realise that he must consider both children.

Before you raise all this, do consider what the ideal outcome would be for you. Do you want him to cry and apologise? How will you handle it? Do you want him to admit it's over and agree to part?

Know what you want, and know what you will be willing to compromise on. Also consider exactly what the future holds.

Finally, be prepared to be surprised. You never know.

Good Luck