Should I accept my husband's child?

Fay wrote:

My husband has cheated on me and had a child from this infidelity. This illegitimate child is only two months younger than our son.

Now my husband is asking if he can bring his son home for some weekends. He is turning two in July.

I feel I'm not yet ready for this responsibility as a stepmother. On the other hand I feel I should support him if we are to have a good family upbringing.

If you know some sites where I can get helpful advice, please assist.

I am 24 , my husband is 26. I am now insecure as I feel constant contact will keep my husband and the mother of the child having an affair.

Dear Fay

There's a lot of issues here, and I think it's probably best to get the facts quite straight first.

You are not the child's stepmother - you mention the mother is still around, and, I guess, caring for the child. You have no direct responsibility to the child, but your husband does.

You do have responsibility toward your own child, however, and as this situation could last almost 20 years, I'd suggest you need to be strong now.

Is your husband using his other child as a wedge to get the mother into your lives, or is there a genuine caring for the child? Is he dumping the child on you - or acting like a father? Does he realise the harm he could be doing to you and your child?

Ask yourself these questions, and then ask him.

If you are not convinced by the answers, then you'll have confirmed what you already suspect, and you must be prepared for that.

But do remember that if your husband does genuinely care for both children, he is in a difficult position - yes, it's of his own making, but I hope you've dealt with that?

He's still with you ... I hope you sorted it? Because if you didn't sort the infidelity, then he might well feel he can use you again, through the child.

I hope not - but you need to know.

Best wishes.