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Am I in love with him?

Elsa wrote:

My boyfriend of six months has told me that he loves me.

I couldn't tell him that I love him because I don't know if I do. He has also recently said that he is not sure of how I feel about him and our relationship.

I would like to be able to tell him that I love him but I think it is too soon. I do love when we spend together and we see each other a lot.

I know I love him as I love my friends but with the added affection and physicality, but I don't know if I'm in love with him yet.

What do I tell him what do I tell myself?

Dear Elsa

They say that if you are in love, you'll know it. That's not always true, but it usually is - and when it's not true, it's only because you've taken the Loved One for granted, love's crept up and you simply haven't noticed. It happens, it's awful, because those are the ones you hurt before you wake up to the obvious.

But that's not everyday, and that's not your problem - because you clearly have thought long and hard.

I suspect he's not in love with you, either; just a suspicion, based on his need to test you, to push you. From what you're saying, it's a good, easy relationship - so why rock the boat?

You'll have to figure that out!

But, regardless of all that, please, please, don't lie to him for a quiet life; I promise you, you'll live to regret it. (So will he - but hey, he started this!).

Honestly matters so much in relationships, and one lie invariable leads to more ... it's downhill all the way. And lying about the "L" word is invariably, definitely, certainly, not wise.

You are in a difficult situation - probably worth the misery of 'talking about it' - also a dread moment, but once the pressure starts, there's no escape from endless self examination. What a waste, isn't it?


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