Ambition can't communicate

Benny wrote:

I am a Chinese boy, 20 years old. I was born in Myanmar. I am now studying in USA.

I have great ambitions to become successful. My friends and teachers know that I am very smart. And, I know, I have a very good brain and great analytical mind. I have a World-Second medal in accounting and lots of other educational prizes.

But I found lots of weakness in myself. Since my childhood, I have dedicated my time to studying and so I have little experience in communication. I have a very bad communication skill. I am a shy person.

But the problem with me is I am hiding it from others. I have quite a lot of friends but not much of them have real intimacy with me.I always see faults in others and myself. I think I am a pessimist. And I know that I am always evaluating myself and even blaming myself.

I am also a perfectionist. I try to be perfect both in education and communication only to make myself crazy. I am too self-centered. I try to make everyone likes me. I care too much about what others think of me.

Since I am shy, I can't speak effectively with others. The problem with me is I know the truth, but I can't change myself effectively. And I easily get depressed. I came to know all of those
weaknesses of mine about one year ago.

The only good thing is I never give up though I am depressed, I try very hard to make myself up again ,but after a while I am down again. It makes me very inefficient in pursuing my goals.

I just want to win myself and be happy despite my weaknesses. Can you help me with those of my life problems?

Dear Benny,

We're all unique, Benny, but that doesn't mean we're that different to everyone else.

Join the human race; stop treating 'communication' like an academic subject. It isn't. there's no 'method' of overcoming what you happen to be. But believe me, very few people are so thick skinned that relationships are easy. They are not; and they don't get any easier. Just because you are Mr Special in school gives you no advantages - or disadvantages. Relax. If a relationship is worth having, it's worth working for.

And it doesn't always work out. That's life. Lower your expectations, chill out, and listen to people; every time someone speaks, there's a prompt for you to respond to. Take it or leave it.