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Friends no more?

Cindy wrote:

I have had these friends for almost 8 years, since my first year of college. Because I am quiet and withdrawn, they never really took me too much into consideration or paid much attention to me, save for my two closest friends Annie and Bill, and my former close friend, Darlene.

Bill moved away to another state and I see him maybe twice a year if I'm lucky, he rarely calls and communicates with me, but he has been this aloof with the rest of my friends.

Annie has kept in touch but sadly we don't have much in common anymore, although she still likes me.

Darlene broke my heart. She recently told Annie she never wants to speak to me again, based on a rumor about some trifle that I NEVER said, and now there is a larger gap b/w my friends and I because they are closer to Darlene than to me.

Last night, Bill came to visit, and asked all of us to get together, but I couldn't go because no one asked me to, and because Darlene would be there.

Even my closest friend Annie doesn't stand up for me (she knows that Darlene is wrong and I'm innocent) but she wants to remain a part of the rest of the clique. She says there is nothing she can do and even encouraged me to get back at Darlene by telling her all the awful things I and few other friends think about her (if they also have problems with her, why use me to tell her?).

They blatantly said since she no longer cares for me, and they are still want to be friends with her, why not tell her off. But would they defend me ? They could not answer, and only mumbled that I don't have to insult her if I don't want to.

So now, here I am, a very good person who never hurt anyone, and am completely alone. I've never felt so betrayed. I have myself to blame for always have been too gullible and never strong enough to have been respected. Sadly, they are (were) the only friends I have.

Dear Cindy

I cannot give you any specific advice, because my head's spinning.

You've decided you are pure and innocent, despite happily talking about one friend with another, rather than doing what friends do - talk to each other. And despite the fact that however much you whine about them, you don't seem to like them very much, do you?

Get it straight; friends aren't a social service from the Almighty, they are the result of hard work. You seem to have let them do all the work - until they clearly can't see the point any more.

They are ex-Friends.

Now, that doesn't much matter, as you didn't like them anyway. But my tip is to put a bit of effort into the next friends you get. Maybe people you meet daily, but haven't bothered to notice while you had your full quota of friends?

Stop being a victim, and grab life by the throat.

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30 November 2016  |     |  Contact