Mixed race, mixed up ...

Fiona wrote:

I am in a mixed race relationship, my partner is waiting for a visa for
permission to stay in the uk. I sometimes feel like seperating with him but I have a child to him.

I feel that if I seperate with him and he gets refused his visa it will be my fault my child has no father, and he will grow to hate me.

My partner is Muslim and very controlling I don't want my son to grow up to be imprisoned by his own religion.

Dear Fiona

I take it your partner was Muslim when you met? It's rather late now to be put off by it. Also, I don't understand what you mean when you suggest your son may be imprisoned by his own religion.

But I do understand that you are torn between your own needs, your son's and your partner's. Not easy. I guess that you have not discussed these issues with your partner, but I really feel you must do so, else your decisions might end up with a dispute that will follow you for years.

Knowing how he feels - and why - will make your own decisions much easier. If, for example, he expects you to adopt his religion, and you feel you cannot, than it will be wise to know that.

I know how easy it is to allow situations to develop without really considering the details of the future, and you need to accept that you have made mistakes.

But for the sake of your son, you cannot afford to allow the mistakes to continue. You have to face it, and sort it.

Good Luck; I hope your partner can reassure you.