I want to leave home

Ursula wrote:

I have a problem, I really love my boyfriend and I want to move out with him but he is not ready.

I am 23 and live at home with my parents and I am really unhappy living at home. This is because my parents are alcoholics and get angry at me.

There is never any food in the fridge and the house is always messy. We are also studying and we have part time jobs but not heaps of money.

I can't study at home as my bedroom is near the tv room and want to move out with him but he wants to wait for years until we can afford to buy a house.

What should I do seeing I am really unhappy at home and want my own independence.

Dear Ursula

Hold on there, you'll help no-one by creating another unhappy home.

You see, you have two problems, they overlap, perhaps, but they're very different.

1. You are not happy at home. So move out! At 23, you are old enough to take control of your life, and if home isn't where your heart is, then go! That doesn't mean you have to go from your parents to him - there are other places to live.

Perhaps once you've placed a little distance between you and the parents, you'll be a tad more sympathetic to their problems - perhaps they are not happy either? Perhaps you could help them?

2. You love the guy. Do you? or is he your ticket to an easy life where (again) someone other than you has to keep the fridge filled?

I can only judge on what you've written to me, but you come across as fairly self centred. My suspicion is that your boyfriend's instincts aren't bad.

One step at a time.