Friend won't let me help!
My friend came down with an illness
about 3 years ago.
Before the illness, she was a vibrant
young lady. She had very high goals
for herself, and she was a very interesting
person. She was very intelligent,
creative, and pretty. She was willing
to try new things, travel, meet new
people, the works.
With the rare exception of that she
found ways to get out of doing things
she absolutely didn't want to do,
no matter what!
When she came down with the illness,
she quit her job, and her plans of
going to college. She's lost most
of her friends, and is about to lose
This is because she refuses to talk
to anyone about what is going on and
is so negative lately. She claims
she is on the verge of death, but
her symptoms seem to disappear and
reappear, or change, on command. She's
seen several specialists, and had
a few surgeries.
But all to no avail, according to
her. She claims that none of them
have a clue of what is wrong with
her, which is very unusual. Her illness
seems to be benefitting her in that
she still lives with her immediate
family despite being an adult, she
doesn't work, she doesn't go to school,
and she doesn't socialize.
She is nearly 26 and has never had
a boyfriend, despite her repeated
voiced desires to get a boyfriend,
to get married, and have a husband
I recently heard about a psychological
disorder through a doctor called a
somatoform disorder. The medical explanation
of this disorder sounds alot like
my friend. I find it strange that
none of the doctors would have hinted
at this possibility to her.
But after all she does get enraged
at the suggestion of seeing a counselor
or psychiatrist. I would like to support
my friend, and help her to get over
this illness. I would like to help
her hopefully move on with her life,
since she is so young.
And if possible, I'd like to help
her to obtain a boyfriend, and help
her to learn how to engage in such
I care about her very much and this
hurts me to think that she is suffering
from such emotional, and possibly
You need to be sure how much of
your concern is friendship, and how
much is resentment about being excluded.
Don't misunderstand me; I believe
you care - but it's clear that you
don't believe her, and you must remember
that ultimately it's her life, not
You may be right about her problems
- but then again, you may be quite
As a true friend, rather than put
pressure on her, you should surely
just let her know that you are there
when she needs you; and there's no
hurry. If you get on with her family
that's great; but just maintain that
contact - she might not want your
help now - and there may be a reason
for that - but she might need you
soon. Be patient. Be a friend.