Haunted by the Past
My best friend recently
shared with me that she is thinking about
dating someone I dated four years ago.
This ex took my virginity after dating
him for a year and then never talked to
me again because he went back to his ex-girlfriend.
I was immensely hurt by what
he did, and my hatred still has not subsided.
Now, my best friend wants me to give him
another chance to be nice to me - she insists
I really don't want to see
my best friend get hurt like this - she
honestly believes he's changed.
Should I just let her get
hurt and try to make peace with him, or
stay angry and stay away from him?
be clear, this is your problem, not his,
not your friend's. You've given her your
side of the story, doubtless he's given
his; if she still wants to see him, fine.
Unless you want to lose a friend?
You need to come to terms with your anger,
and the hurt underneath it. Do you really
hate him, or secretly still want him? I
don't know - maybe you don't. But you need
to resolve this as it's damaging you.
But that's a separate matter; day-to-day,
you don't need to see him just because
your friend is, do you? If you respect
her right to choose her friends, she should
equally respect your right to choose yours.
That's friendship. Not dificult to
manage. And when you bump into him, be
don't need to kiss him or kill him - merely
share a planet.