He loves - but won't marry
Nina wrote:
I have been in a relationship
with a man for 5½ years, and living
with him for 4½ years. I love this
man very much and wish we could get married.
But here is the dilemma,
he says he has been through two previous
marriages that left him emotionally and
financially drained, and he has "panic
attacks" whenever he thinks of getting
married again.
Even though he assures
me he loves me and it is not the thought
of marriage to me that brings on the "panic
attacks", just the thought of marriage
period.
So here is my question
to you Anon, should I just go on in the
relationship with this man without the
security of marriage, or should I cut my
losses and get on with my life without
him?
Of course this is not
the whole story just the sum of it. The
whole story would take too long. And I
do love him enough to just stay in the
relationship even though I want to be married.
Dear Nina
On the face of it,
he's being honest with you, and saving
both of you from making a serious mistake.
Let's face it, if he's loused up two marriages,
you can see his point?
But the fact you are
writing to me suggests that you are not
convinced.
I'm sure there's much
you have not told me, and so I can't come
right out with a view .. but answer these
questions honestly, and you'll have your
answer.
- What wrecked his
marriages - bad choices, bad behaviour
or bad luck (or ... ) ?
- Is it the 'idea'
of marriage that you want, or the legal
security?
- Do you trust him.
Really?
- Does he trust you.
Really?
I suspect this is about
security, not marriage itself. How much
do you need, how much is he prepared to
give?
Is there a difference?
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