Advicemeant - Honest Advice
Home | About | Warning | Forum | Contact | Privacy | Tried & Tested
Custom Search

He loves - but won't marry

Nina wrote:

I have been in a relationship with a man for 5½ years, and living with him for 4½ years. I love this man very much and wish we could get married.

But here is the dilemma, he says he has been through two previous marriages that left him emotionally and financially drained, and he has "panic attacks" whenever he thinks of getting married again.

Even though he assures me he loves me and it is not the thought of marriage to me that brings on the "panic attacks", just the thought of marriage period.

So here is my question to you Anon, should I just go on in the relationship with this man without the security of marriage, or should I cut my losses and get on with my life without him?

Of course this is not the whole story just the sum of it. The whole story would take too long. And I do love him enough to just stay in the relationship even though I want to be married.

Dear Nina

On the face of it, he's being honest with you, and saving both of you from making a serious mistake. Let's face it, if he's loused up two marriages, you can see his point?

But the fact you are writing to me suggests that you are not convinced.

I'm sure there's much you have not told me, and so I can't come right out with a view .. but answer these questions honestly, and you'll have your answer.

  1. What wrecked his marriages - bad choices, bad behaviour or bad luck (or ... ) ?
  2. Is it the 'idea' of marriage that you want, or the legal security?
  3. Do you trust him. Really?
  4. Does he trust you. Really?

I suspect this is about security, not marriage itself. How much do you need, how much is he prepared to give?

Is there a difference?

Discussion:
"Honest Advice"

orange bullet Young Love
orange bullet Partners
orange bullet Family
orange bullet Just Life
orange bullet Health
orange bullet Friendship

orange bullet Tried and Tested Advice
orange bullet Privacy Policy

weirdity - and more

Archives:

2015, 2012
2011
, 2010
2009, 2008
2007, 2006
2005, 2004
2003, 2002
2001, 2000

Quote: "People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."
Alex Chiu's Immortality Devices
Do Alex Chiu's Immortality Rings Actually Work? YOU Decide!
30 November 2016  |     |  Contact