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Long Distance Love?

Nerys wrote:

Hi Anon. I am a sixteen-year-old girl, and have been head over heels in love with a boy for over a year now. We have had a very serious relationship, and he says that he loves me too.

Our major downfall, however, is that I moved about 3 hours away, and only get to see him every month or so. I've lived this far away for a little over a year, and our feelings for each other are still very strong, even though we've agreed to date other people who live nearby.

My question for you is, in this case do you think a long term relationship is possible? I can't even be attracted to any guys but him, and if you think it's nearly impossible for us to stay in love, it would get me thinking about seriously trying to move on. Thanks for any advice you could give!

Dear Nerys,

It is possible for love to last over long distances, and many years. But, I have to say, they are the exceptions. For it to work, both partners need total commitment; total, I believe, to the point where they simply couldn't imagine any other partner. I'm met such folk.

One couple met, and split up a week later. They'd hardly kissed - then they hardly saw each other for three years, because of the line of work they were in. Halfway through that time, I said to the chap "Don't you ever feel like seeing someone else, even being totally honest with - ?" "No", he said, and gave me a look that convinced me that he thought I was stupid to even consider such a thing.

As it happens, they'd fallen in love at first sight (Yes, they did - but that's another story). They eventually married, five kids, and so far as I know, they've never had a serious argument. Lucky? Blessed? Who knows?

The point is, most of us don't have that gift. And the world's a hard place. Look at the clues you've given: "I've been head over heels" "he says he loves me too" "We've agreed to date others" (Whose idea was that?).

Long distance relationships start with strong feelings and good intentions; admitting it's failed can be painful and humiliating. Denying the truth can, however, be poisonous and undermine long term confidence and opportunities.

I'd love your relationship to work, indeed I'd admire you both for your loyalty and strength. But I'd hate to see both of you deceiving each other and yourselves, trying to live up to the expectations of others.

You know the truth; make it so.

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