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Help Me With Controlling Husband

From Carrie:

How can I deal with a controlling husband? He just complains about everything, nothing I do is right, he's far from romantic, I can't even get a kiss without him shoving me off. He wasn't like that before we got married (maybe a little bit) but he was so wonderful.

Now sometimes I just want to leave and get a divorce, but I've also made a promise to God to love this man. I'm hurting for advice that would help my relationship, children are also involved.

Dear Carrie,

No easy answers - but you knew that. First, be sure that he is not right to complain. It's unlikely that you are that awful - but it's also unlikely that he is entirely in the wrong, isn't it? If there are things you should change, that'll help.

Second, leaving the children and your promise to one side for a moment, what do you want? What are the chances you'll ever get it? 10%? ... 20%? ... 70% You need to be really honest, because ...

Third, if it ain't going to happen, you must think about the children. How are they affected, now, up to now ... and what about their future?

Fourth, only you know what that promise means to you - but I'd suggest you didn't promise to be a doormat for life, did you? And I doubt your God wants that for you.

I know this sounds pessimistic. That's because your letter reads to me as if you've decided you are going nowhere fast. And he's unlikely to change. And kids come first, they are the future.

But there may be a positive side - if you reckon things can change, then talk to him, change what you can, and get someone outside of the marriage to help (from the Church, maybe? someone who won't take either 'side'). Most marriages are worth a try, honest!!

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