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Driving me crazee

Tanya Wrote:

I have a concern about my relationship with my fiancé. We have been dating for three years, and living together for two of those. The problem is a few months ago, I asked him to leave because I just felt like something was wrong.

Actually, I felt like he just didn't love me anymore. I know that sounds irrational or paranoid, but he just seemed so unhappy. We were not talking, or spending any time together, other than the fact that we both shared the residence. I was just in a great deal of pain seeing him like he was, and feeling like I was.

I talked to him about it, told him that I felt that he didn't love me, he said that his feelings had not changed, but he was not the same person he was when we met. Of course he isn't, neither am I. Anyway, he was only gone for five days, and I was missing him terribly.

We got together and talked about a lot of things that I had no idea he had even thought about. Things seemed to be going well for a little while. Then I started noticing these changes in his behavior, it is not something I can put my finger on, he was just so much more aggressive than I had ever seen him. His father passed away in January, and his family (who have also noticed the change) think it may have something to do with that. Even the way he talks, is different.

For the better part of our relationship, he has been quiet, almost passive, as a matter of fact, I had spoken with him several times about that. We would never argue, although I know there were times when I said or did things that upset him. He would always tell me that he did not want to hurt my feelings. Now it seems just the opposite. I am not saying that he goes out of his way to hurt my feelings, but he defintely has gotten over what he called fear.

He stays out all night "driving", at least that is what he tells me that he is doing. The other night, he got out of bed in the middle of the night to "drive". He says that I don't understand, that it is like a drug for him to drive, and it energizes him and makes him feel good.
I told him after the second time, that I didn't want him doing that anymore, I find it disrespectful to me. He said he wouldn't yet he has again. The other day, I told him again, that since this staying out all night driving was something that he doesn't seem to be able to give, that he had to leave.

I wasn't breaking up with him at that point, I just could not go on any longer letting him do that. So he told me again that he would give it up.
We came to a compromise, he would be home by 2:00 a.m. on any night, driving or not. He said that for most of our relationship he had been depressed, and now he isn't! I am thrilled to know that he feels good, I just don't understand why his feeling good seems to be at my expense. I just don't know what to think. I asked him the other night was he on drugs, he said no, so at this point, I have no choice but believe him.

I want to believe him, and that we will be married next year, and everything will be fine. The other night on one of his rides, he got a ticket for driving with his music too loud. This man is 42 years-old, and all of a sudden, he is acting just like he says he feels. Like a 20 year-old! What is your first instinct on this?

I would really appreciate an objective opinion

Dear Tanya,
You have taken 1000 words to say what you cannot face. You want my opinion? Get rid of this jerk and get a life.

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