My Boy's Gone Bad

Petra wrote:

I hope you can give some advice on my son, who in the direction he is going is only going to learn the hard way ... in jail. He is 17 yrs. old and has completed school, but has not wanted to get a job, although he has three winters at a ski resort and really enjoyed it. But all of a sudden he seems to be totally unmotivated.

So I signed him up in the Job Corp. which was going quite well and he was enjoying it ... until some of his buddies with a weekend pass rented a hotel room. He went there and drank beer and did some drugs, when he returned to Job Corp. they did a drug test which came up positive and he was immediately terminated.

He has absolutely no respect for my wishes or demands and cannot follow any rules. I have tried repeatedly to let him know that he is making very bad choices in life and what the consequences will be. In 8 months he will be 18.

Though I will be glad to not have to be responsible for his actions, I still love him as any mother would and do care about the way his life will turn out. What can I do???

Dear Petra,

He's a man, he's making his own decisions ... I do not believe you can change the mess he has made for himself; what you can do is stop trying. Tell him you care, and you will help him, but cease trying to dig him out of his own private hole.

Until he takes some responsibility for his life, no-one can help him. His choice, not yours or mine.