Whose Life Is It, Anyway?
I think I have a problem with relationships. It seems that I follow
the same habits over and over again when it comes to friendships,
romance, family ... I need to know why and how can I change this.
I am so tired of feeling empty when people let me down. (Which they
Most recently a man I had known as a casual-sex-friend was sent to
prison for 8 months. While he was in prison we developed a very serious
and intimate relationship. I continued to date while he was away but
always knew I wasn't going to get serious with anybody else. I had
committed to giving our relationship a 100% effort to see if it would
Mike and I had discussed this between us and he was very positive
and adament about saying "we could get through anything as long as
we communicated". He sent me 27 letters, numerous cards and gifts
and we had many phone calls along with twice a month visits.
Well, he got out June 23, and by June 30, he had moved his stuff
in, told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and moved his stuff
out! Emotionally I was shocked. It was too much too fast. The anticipation
and anxiety leading up to June 23, was enough on its own and then
to have everything turn completely upside down really through me for
a loop. I know I was not imagining the things he wrote and said yet
when all is said and done ... I was totally taken for a ride.
He didn't mean any of it! I know this because I confronted him on
everything. He basically just said "yea well, maybe that's how I felt
at the time". I feel so betrayed and used. I am glad I found out so
early, but i just can't believe how stupid I feel. This kind of thing
has happened so many times in my life I almost don't expect anything
less. I get used by platonic friends just as much.
Here's the thing ... I am a very intelligent, successfull, 34 year
old. The only thing I feel is my downfall is that I believe in the
human race, and when people say things I believe them. I refuse to
believe that this is wrong but I cannot go on like this. I am also
very spiritual, and have a close personal relationship with God.
I'm finding myself questioning my faith when things like this go
on because I believe God doesn't want these things to happen to me
but yet I'm at a loss of why then they continue to happen.
I am now totally depressed and can't seem to focus on anything. I
feel like a complete failure. Unfortunately, if I don't take control
of this situation, no-one will. I am single, never married, no children
and have lived on my own since I was 18. I find myself falling deep
into regression instead of progression. Does any of this make sense?
say makes perfect sense, and, as you know
- you are not alone. We all get used, we
all get let down .. some more than others.
No-one deserves to be treated badly, but
the trick is to learn from your experience
(and others), and not get caught again.
mean don't trust, don't believe, don't
form relationships - but it does mean know
what you want, know who you like, and never
forget who you are.
On the specifics,
you don't say how this casual relationship
turned serious; I suspect you felt sorry
for him, felt he was dependent, and liked
it. How do you think he felt? Guilty or
not, he was imprisoned, devoid of female
company, maybe frightened. You helped him
through that experience, and your fee was
that he stay dependent.
yourself in, is my guess. He, weak,
foolish and male, went along with it.
of your life, live it, don't drift. You
say you have a relationship with God; then
learn not to deceive yourself.You want
relationships - don't cheat, build them.