Fun or Funeral?

Sheila wrote:

My grandmother just passed away and her funeral is coming up. I plan to attend. My husband and I have had a prior commitment to the same weekend for several months now and are not sure if it is appropriate for him to miss the funeral to attend this commitment or if he should let them know what's happened and attend the funeral with me.

The other committment is a weekend baby shower for his brother. We thought each one of us could represent us at each place.

Dear Sheila,
Technically, I'm sure you are right. But this isn't about etiquette, it's about people's feelings. How close were you to your Grandmother? Is your Grandfather alive, and will he be hurt if you don't both go? How will your parents feel? Did your husband know your Grandmother? How well?
You see, at one extreme, they hardly met and no-one would expect him to be there - at the other, he went fishing with your Grandfather and lunched with them every Sunday; making you both a pair of heartless sods.
Only you know.