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I want my best friend's Ex

Nigella writes:

About a month or so ago my friend and her boyfriend broke up. He and I have always been really good friends and we talked on the phone about her one night and we both started thinking " what about us".

She always treated him wrong and never acted like she cared about him and after they broke up she never said she still cared about him, and when she found out he cared about me and I felt the same way about him, she started saying she still cares about him. it sorta seems like she's just trying to keep him on a leash but I don't know... just the other day me and him went out on a date, I asked her if it was ok and she said it bothers me but I can't stop you.

Now I have really strong feelings for him and I don't know what to do. One way I see it is that if she was my real friend she would be happy that I found someone who made me happy and she would put away how she felt for me.

But the other way I see it is what kind of friend would I be if I dated this guy when she "says" she still has feelings for him ... these are two of my favorite people on earth. I could just tell him we just need to be friends but thats not gonna make me happy because I have these feelings for him.

I don't know what to do!

Dear Nigella,

It's good to know that there are people who value friendship - but I think you might be being too reasonable. You tell me they broke up; that means he's free to see who he likes.

Your friend is only human, of course she won't like it, but she understands. And there's no way she can (consciously or unconsciously) control the lives of two other people, and if she cares for you, that reality will work through.

But, of course, life is never that simple. What you do with the 'Ex' is between you and him. Unless you choose to make it your friend's business. 

"She always treated him wrong" you say. Really? Are you sure? Is it your business?  

She "says" she still has feelings, you say. Do you doubt her? Is it your business?

Going out with a friend's Ex can last 6 weeks and end a lifetime's friendship.

Or lead to a three-way friendship for life. Your choice.

Don't mix up the relationships, don't blame, and don't choose to be in the middle.

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