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Fantasy - or Real Life?

Zena asked:

Can a guy really love you, care for you, can do anything for you and still fantasize about other girls once in a while? A friend of mine, her age is 18, has been going around with this guy since three years.

The guy is really serious for her.

She has always been very insecure and scared that he will find a better girl.

And now he tells her that he has had fantasies about other girls.

Tell me how to guide her. Is it natural for a guy to fantasize about others even while loving someone else ?

Does this means he loves her less?

Dear Zena,

Let's start with the general. Some individuals live on fantasy; to them, the person they're with is always a film star or whatever. Others - like you - are very down to earth, and can't see that at all. And all points in between.

And, signs are that women fantasize more than men - but no matter, really.

In particular, well, if both of a couple do - or both don't - not a problem, they know where they're at.

One does, one doesn't; can obviously be a problem, especially if there's jealousy or simply insecurity.

From what you've said, two issues stand out - why has this suddenly come out now. Chance? During a row?   

And who is the fantasy? An impossible dream - or the girl next door?

If he just happened to mention he fantasized about Meg Ryan, tell him I saw her first [I jest].

My advice to your friend is simple: She must ask herself, "Other than this, is there a problem?" ... because on it's own, it is not a problem.

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