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I'm really ashamed ... this isn't me

Therese asks:

Dear Anon, Last night I stayed at a friends house and we were drinking a lot and I got really pissed, then I decided to try weed for the first time.

Then shortly after that her and her boyfriend suggested a threesome and because I was under the influence and didn't have a clear head I agreed and so we did it. At the time I think I enjoyed it but now I think about it and want to be sick this isn't me, I'm not the type to drink and get high and to have sex with anyone.

I am still in shock and I know that I am not a lesbian nor a bisexual but I am having a hard time facing reality that I really did do this.

I don't know how to look at her the same anymore especially after being as close as we were last night.

I want so badly to blame someone for this mistake but I just don't know what to think or say or do.

Please help me. I feel really ashamed and really dirty. This isn't me.

What is going on with me and my life. How could I have done this.

Please help me.

Dear Therese,

This is you; you did it, you cannot turn back the clock. No-one forced you; you did the drinking, you did the smoking .. you did the enjoying too.

Now, it may be that they encouraged you, perhaps even planned to get you drinking more than you realised. Perhaps not - I notice that thought hasn't troubled you.

But even so, neither alcohol nor weed are going to make you enjoy something you really don't enjoy, though either might make you more open to persuasion.

I suspect your shame is more about the enjoying, the lack of control over yourself - and learning that you might not be quite the person that you thought you were.

Once the initial shock wears off, it'll look clearer, and probably - if your friends are discreet - it'll become just another memory.

And you'll have learned a little about life.

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