My friend wants my friend
I'm talking to this
girl (Mary) that I know and I want to help
her with this situation that has occurred.
One of our friends (Bob) says that he likes
this Mary and wants to break up with his
girlfriend to be with her.
Mary already has a
boyfriend and is freaking out why Bob is
acting like this. Mary knows I like her
but she says its different with Bob though.
She has been friends with Bob for like
2-3 months now....as for me only a month.
I'm not trying to get with her or anything
because she has a boyfriend and I know
that wouldn't be right, but Bob on the
other hand seems like he has a chance.
We were talking about this for some time
and for instance I called her tonight and
was talking to her on the phone, and Bob
was on the computer. She said he just starting
saying all these things like Tommy likes
you and wants you....I guess to make her
feel uncomfortable around me,
But she says he's been treating her nice
and all that, it's just that she doesn't
know how to confront him about the situation...I
think she should talk to him about it..but
it might hurt their friendship or whatever
or cause more problems..thats why I'm asking
What should she do? Should she talk to
him about it or take other steps in resolving
this problem? Your advice would be great..thank
Read your note, which I've shown in full,
really carefully. I've changed the names,
so you can read it as if it's other folk,
not your circle of friends.
You say: "I'm not trying to get with
her or anything because she has a boyfriend
and I know that wouldn't be right".
But it's okay for Bob to try? And he has
a girlfriend too?
Get real. What stands out is that you
have not mentioned what Mary wants; not
what she said she wants, nor what you think
she wants. To you, she's a piece of meat;
you'd like her yourself, but you don't
have the guts to ask her - so you're prepared
to do Bob a favour, even though he has
a girlfriend, and Mary has a boyfriend.
At best, you are an interfering busybody,
at worst, a selfish coward with no respect
for the opposite sex. As it happens, I
think the first - you really think you're
helping. But you are not. Sort out your
own life, and let Mary make her own choices,
or you'll lose four people's friendship.