My friend wants my friend

Tommy wrote:

I'm talking to this girl (Mary) that I know and I want to help her with this situation that has occurred. One of our friends (Bob) says that he likes this Mary and wants to break up with his girlfriend to be with her.

Mary already has a boyfriend and is freaking out why Bob is acting like this. Mary knows I like her but she says its different with Bob though. She has been friends with Bob for like 2-3 months now....as for me only a month. I'm not trying to get with her or anything because she has a boyfriend and I know that wouldn't be right, but Bob on the other hand seems like he has a chance.

We were talking about this for some time and for instance I called her tonight and was talking to her on the phone, and Bob was on the computer. She said he just starting saying all these things like Tommy likes you and wants you....I guess to make her feel uncomfortable around me,

But she says he's been treating her nice and all that, it's just that she doesn't know how to confront him about the situation...I think she should talk to him about it..but it might hurt their friendship or whatever or cause more problems..thats why I'm asking you.

What should she do? Should she talk to him about it or take other steps in resolving this problem? Your advice would be great..thank you

Dear Tommy

Read your note, which I've shown in full, really carefully. I've changed the names, so you can read it as if it's other folk, not your circle of friends.

You say: "I'm not trying to get with her or anything because she has a boyfriend and I know that wouldn't be right". But it's okay for Bob to try? And he has a girlfriend too?

Get real. What stands out is that you have not mentioned what Mary wants; not what she said she wants, nor what you think she wants. To you, she's a piece of meat; you'd like her yourself, but you don't have the guts to ask her - so you're prepared to do Bob a favour, even though he has a girlfriend, and Mary has a boyfriend.

At best, you are an interfering busybody, at worst, a selfish coward with no respect for the opposite sex. As it happens, I think the first - you really think you're helping. But you are not. Sort out your own life, and let Mary make her own choices, or you'll lose four people's friendship.