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Boyfriend broke up with me

Helen wrote:

MY BOYFRIEND JUST BROKE UP WITH ME ABOUT FOUR WEEKS AGO, WE WERE GOOD TOGETHER.

RIGHT BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR, SOME BARTENDER AT A LOCAL BAR OFFERED HERSELF TO MY MAN ... HE NEVER TOOK HER UP ON THIS OFFER, BUT I WAS STILL FEELING SCARED ... BUT KNOWING HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME.

ABOUT 4 MONTHS LATER, I LEFT MY MAN AT ANOTHER LOCAL BAR AFTER WORK, HE SAID THAT HE WILL CALL ME 1/2 HOUR LATER, THEN I LEFT, THEN 20 MIN. LATER HIS FRIENDS LEFT. HE STAYED FOR ONE MORE DRINK, WHILE THIS SLUTTY BROAD IS WALKING AROUND THE BAR ASKING EVERYONE FOR A RIDE HOME, WELL SHE ASKED MY MAN, KNOWING WE WERE TOGETHER. ... HE TOOK HER HOME. HE NEVER CALLED AND DIDN'T COME HOME FOR ABOUT 3 1/2 HOURS. SO I ASKED QUESTIONS, HE LIED, BUT I HAD ALREADY KNOWN WHERE HE WAS AT. WHEN I SAID THAT I KNEW AND WHO TOLD ME, HE CHANGED HIS STORY, AND GOT MAD AT THAT PERSON.

FOR 2 WEEKS I WAS MISERABLE, BECAUSE I BELIEVED HIM BUT I DIDN'T. AND I WAS A CRYING MESS, THEN I STARTED TO GET BETTER, AND TRIED TO FORGET ABOUT IT ALL, ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE SAID " THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT, WE SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER".

I WAS DEVASTATED. WHY DO YOU THINK HE DID THIS? HE WON'T TELL ME WHY, HE WON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT, AND HE WON'T EVEN GIVE OUR RELATIONSHIP A SECOND CHANCE. WHY? I'M STARTING TO GET ANGRY.

Dear Helen

I'm going to break this down because your (edited) note contains so many contradictions:

1. NO NEED TO SHOUT

2. You say "We were good together" - Like, when? Since last year, you've been rowing, fighting. He's been lying and cheating. You've not trusted him an inch, and you've involved people who've tried to help you. You've helped to find him women who are willing, by labelling them for him ( "SLUTTY BROAD" ). Very nice, I'm sure. Face it, Helen, you hate each other, and you were too cowardly to get out - so now you resent it when he does.

3. If you are worried about what people think, don't worry. They're laughing at you. Believe me, if people have been queueing up to tell you what he's up to for months, they're not doing out out of kindness. Maybe the first two were.

2. Never, ever, blame the 'other woman'. You don't know whose 'fault' it was they they got off - I doubt they do. These things happen. But they only happen because your man was looking for it. Face it, Helen, if you're such a non-trusting, whining, self centred fool, he probably had a sign round his neck saying "Help!"

3. "For two weeks I was miserable" - you mean you punished him for two weeks? "I was a crying mess" - I believe you, we all do. "... and tried to forget all about it" - so you didn't want to discuss it at that time? What's to discuss now? The price of cookies?

4. So then he dumps you, with what sounds to me like the absolute God-given simple truth "This isn't working out, we shouldn't be together". Anyone with half an ounce of common sense would say "You're right, get the chain saw, we'll divide the car" but no:
" I WAS DEVASTATED."
Duh!

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